Tuesday, September 7, 2010

the end

Again, so sorry that i haven't been updating this very often. i think i've been avoiding it subconsciously for some reason, in addition to just the fact that i'm lazy and a procrastinator.

I left the church last january. The Cramer family was going to adopt me, then by january i finally realized that I just can't be mormon anymore. I felt like what I was doing was wrong (not the polygamy situation, but being mormon). I felt like I was compromising my personal standards in order to be welcomed into their family and i realized that my moral integrity is more important than anything, and with that comes happiness. I left the church officially, was asked to move out (the adoption was cancelled) I had to "break up" with Andrew and his family, and I moved into a house with roommates and I've been living on my own ever since.

Saying goodbye to Andrew was hard. I loved him, and I still love him. He was very kind about it, and wished me no ill. I missed him terribly for a while, wished it could be another way, and wondered often if I was doing the wrong thing. But through these months I've grown and learned and experienced a lot and realized that my life has gone, and will always go the way it's supposed to. I do believe in God, not in the way that I think most Christians do, but I do believe in a higher power, and in love, and I still believe everything works out for our good. I don't regret anything in my past. Being mormon was absolutely wonderful, and the short time I had with the Spencers was beautiful and sacred and healing. I will never forget them and I wish them peace and happiness. I don't change my views on polygamy; I still think it should be decriminalized and I feel that whether a person wishes to live a monogamous or polyamorous lifestyle is their own choice and not an issue of moral right or wrong.

Natalie has left on a mission for the lds church, and I haven't really been kept up to date as far as her situation with the Adlers, but I heard recently that Rebecca had another baby! I'm currently in a polyamorous relationship with a wonderful man, going to school again, and just completely loving life. For anyone who is reading this, I still would love to talk to any of you, about anything. Maybe it seems futile at this point. But I still "believe" in polygamy and non-monagamous relationships, and I still have a profound amount of respect for the lds church, and other branches of it. The bottom line though is that I'm so unbelievably happy.

Feel free to email me, about anything, at pluraljoy@yahoo.com. I think I will keep this up as more of a polyamorous blog, but keep in mind that I'm not really "religious" anymore and so the blog will probably take on quite a different tone. But I think all we non-monogamouses should stick together!! :)

Peace and blessings to all of you, and thank you for accompanying me on this strange journey.