Sunday, November 15, 2009

One perfect day

Andrew, Natalie and I went back to the city I was living in before to get my stuff. Originally, it was going to be Rebecca taking me there, but I was dreading that. Then Andrew received the revelation that it should be him taking me. He even said he had a vision of Rebecca's newborn dying in the car crash because she did not obey the command of God. But she wouldn't budge. The thought of Andrew being alone with me for an entire day was enough to make her about lose her mind.

Then Natalie had a brilliant idea. She would offer to go with us, to be our "chaperone." Rebecca trusts Natalie, so she said yes. Which is SO ironic because, as you will read later, Andrew and Natalie and me is actually much worse than just Andrew and me, if Rebecca knew what went on.

It was a miraculous day and an absolute gift from God. One of those days where everything goes just perfect. If you prayed for something, it would happen. It was like we all took a swig of Felix Felicis (from Harry Potter) before we left! It was so sweet to be with Andrew and Natalie at the same time, to share precious hours upon hours with them, listening to Celtic music and having deep discussions while enjoying some beautiful scenery. Andrew drove, and Natalie and I both sat in the front seat, me in the middle, snuggling up to Andrew and holding Natalie's hand. I discovered how loving one of them did not diminish the love for the other, but strengthened it. I have made a list of things that made the day really special.

1. We were running out of gas, so I prayed and very soon, we found a place for gas.
2. When we started off, we were listening to Celtic music and it was a little rainy, and as we were driving through a really foresty area, there was mist everywhere. It was really beautiful. I remember feeling like I was in a dream, it was all very surreal and magical.
3. When we got to our destination, we decided we wanted to briefly visit the temple there, so I gave Andrew directions how to get there. Andrew was on the phone with Rebecca and then suddenly, we came over a hill and there was the temple, in the distance. We all kind of gasped and were in awe of it, and of the moment.
4. We stopped at a gas station, and I really wanted chocolate, but didn't say anything. When we all got back in the car, Andrew had bought me some chocolate.
5. I found out that Rebecca's middle name is my favorite name in the whole world, and the name I have been planning on naming my first daughter since I was a little child, AND the name that Natalie wants to name HER first girl. Wow.
6. We took a wrong way and ended up way farther north than we meant to, giving Andrew the opportunity to see wild hoses, which he always wanted to see, and giving up more time together.
7. The lady who I lived with before actually has a lot in common with Andrew, so when we got there, while I was packing my stuff with Natalie, the lady and Andrew stayed in the kitchen and were able to have some great discussion.
8. Packing didn't take that long because the lady had already packed my stuff.
9. We were able to fit everything in the car (no small feat).
1o. When we got to taco bell for a meal, I stayed in the car, and forgot to ask them to get hot sauce for me, but they did.
11. The reason I was in the car was to cry because I was sad to be leaving my former home. We were in kind of a hurry so it would have made more sense to go through the drive through, but somehow Andrew knew I needed to be alone. I cried as much as I needed to before they came back out.
12. On the way back, when we started our journey, the sun was setting and we were heading west, so we were driving into the sunset. It was just like the happy ending of a movie.
15. We listened to Celtic music again at the very end of our trip.
16. Andrew and I had our first kiss! He was kissing me on the cheek and said he couldn't wait until I could take the sacrament again so he could kiss me. I told that I had been taking the sacrament. He looked at me for a few seconds and then just laid one on me! Natalie was on the phone with her dad, so it was really funny because she started fumbling with her words.
17. On the way back, Andrew pulled over and sat between Natalie and me and took turns kissing us. It was awesome. AWESOME. And sometimes while Andrew and I were kissing, or vice versa, Natalie would hold my hand.

This feels so good, and so right.

Monday, November 2, 2009


I'm curious if any of those of you who practice or have practiced polygamy can relate to the dynamics of being with various combinations of those involved in your relationship. Tonight I was just thinking about it as Rebecca drove me home while Natalie was with us. It's a totally different feeling than, say, just me and Rebecca. And I have experienced every possible combination: Andrew and me, Rebecca and me, Natalie and me. Andrew and Rebecca and me, Rebecca and Natalie and me, Andrew and Natalie and me. And all four of us together. I think that is one of the neatest things about polygamy is the variety you get just by hanging out with someone else for a while. With two people...that's all it ever is. Not that that's a bad thing, but I have discovered this new thing about polygamy that I never thought of before, and I'm glad I am able to experience it.

Natalie and I are best friends, so when we're together, I think we act most like a couple. We flirt, but also joke around. Rarely too serious, because even when we are discussing serious things, it feels lighthearted.

Andrew and I are still in the twitterpatey infatuation stage, so that is of course wonderful, but it's quite different from when Natalie and I are together because I barely know Andrew and I'm not completely comfortable around him. Plus, he's so much older than I, so it's tough to relate to him.

When Rebecca and I are together, it's just kind of hard. Our personalities are dramatically different and I don't think she has taken down all the walls between us, so it's usually just a little awkward and strained.

Rebecca+Natalie+me: They are both so close, that they just talk and I listen silently.

Rebecca+Andrew+me: I actually really enjoy this one. Rebecca is a totally different person around Andrew. She comes alive and is so likable. They work so well together. I watched them make dinner together the other night and it was nice to just be there. I'm pretty silent in this situation too.

Andrew+Natalie+me: My favorite so far. Andrew really likes Natalie's relationship with me, he loves us as friends and lovers. Also, we know about each other's relationship with him and he knows we know, so that creates this special and unsaid bond between the three of us.

All four of us: This hasn't really happened yet, because when it's all four of us, it's because we are doing some family thing, so their 8 kids are with us too, and none of them know about this situation, so we can't be open about it. But I think if it were the four of us alone, it would be a very special thing.

Just some thoughts.