A Turn at Every Corner

So Natalie came over on Friday night and we watched the Emma Smith movie. It wasn’t as good as I thought it would be and I actually liked the Joseph Smith movie that they had in the visitor centers much better. But it was still uplifting and inspiring and I’m glad I bought it.

I asked Natalie how she was feeling with regards to the Andrew and Rebecca situation. I couldn’t believe her response. She said she is in love with Dereck (her ex boyfriend) and she was going to marry him. She said that a friend of his had talked to her and she had prayed a lot and felt like she could make a choice and either way, God would not condemn her. She said she felt happier with the Dereck choice. She is still deciding and has not gotten back together with him, but I think we both know what she is going to do.

When she first told me this, I had to summon all the power I had to not into burst into tears. After all I’d been through the past few days that brought me closer to her, I felt so prepared and excited for our future. And there it was crashing down before me.

But as the night went on and we talked about it some more, I started to feel better about it. Then something occurred to me that hadn’t before: I only really know two things. 1. I will practice polygamy someday. 2. Natalie and I are going to be together forever. Based on that knowledge, that leaves a huge gap for the husband. It could be anyone. Would I marry Dereck? Sure, if it’s God’s will. So that is something I am now considering.

I do know that I will not go through with the marriage to Andrew and Rebecca if Natalie isn’t involved. It just isn’t right.

So for now…I guess I’m free. Not that I wasn’t free before. But for the first time in six months, I can date! I don’t have to turn away when I see a handsome fellah! It’s pretty neat. Who knows what will happen at this point. I am still studying and preparing for plural marriage. And still trying to strengthen my relationship with Natalie.

I’ve been really busy so if I don’t blog for a while, that is the only reason.