Thursday, January 29, 2009

Beginning Part II

My next exposure to polygamy came a year and a half later while I was at college. Kyle and I broke up while he was at BYU and I stayed home. He is on his mission now. More on him later.

While I was in my second semester at the college I'm attending, I felt really inspired to learn more about Emma Smith and to gather all the information I could about her and then emulate her. As I was doing this I was praying about it one time I just asked, "Why am I supposed to learn so much about her?" And God told me it was because I would live the kind of life she did.

While learning about Emma, reading books and biographies about her, polygamy was of course always at the back of my mind. I knew that she had severe trouble with it, constantly going back and forth on her acceptance of it. I remember thinking how terribly difficult it must have been for her to know that her husband was doing what he was doing, always paranoid and watching other women with a wary eye, always jealous. I thanked God I didn't and wouldn't ever have to practice it in this life.

But there was something else in me, something that almost longed for it. This sort of sick fascination that was developing inside of me. I eventually found myself in support of polygamy as it was commanded by God and directed by the Church. My roommates hated it and tried to avoid the subject when I brought it up.

This was the semester I met Natalie. The first time I saw her I knew there was something special about her. I didn't know what it was, but I did know that I'd known her before. I felt like she was a long lost friend that I'd finally found again. Later, I came to realize that we were friends, in the pre-mortal existence. Natalie was the first person I'd met who was just as gung ho about polygamy as I was. She had a book on it and had studied it as well. And I thought that was all there was to it.

Natalie and I grew very close and when I went home for the summer, we chatted quite frequently. She kept mentioning things like "Felicity, I want us to be together forever. We should marry the same man." She said it in a way that she knew I would think she wasn't serious. But it really struck me. I did want to marry the same man. And there was this part of me that was sure it would be possible some day. I didn't officially receive revelation, but I too had a feeling that Natalie and I should be together forever.

She invited me to live with her for the summer. And that is where I will end part II.


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